I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
