I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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