Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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