fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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