She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
