Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
