he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
