dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
