When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
someone owes me an orgasm
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
