Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
