why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
