That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
