you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
