Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
