Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
