Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
