My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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