Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
