a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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