if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
