): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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