I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
