Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
