One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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