Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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