I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
