You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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