if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
