Jerry, you need to find god
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
