Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
