I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
