i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
