i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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