Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I forget how to act sober
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
