I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
