i think my tv is drunk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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