are you so shy because you have an std?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
