your parents love me but you hate me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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