I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
