Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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