Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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