so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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