Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
