so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize