very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
