Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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