So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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