Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
