So drunk its hurt
I think I am morally bankrupt
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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