Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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