Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
