wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
