Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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