there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
