i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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