he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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