Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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