I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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