Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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