we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
