I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
