Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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