Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize