Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
