Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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